ESSA VII LOVE
Hey hey.
My name is Vanessa. I'm a lazy bum who wants to do basically nothing
the entire day. I wear tshirt with denim short and my hair all puffed up which people always say it's oh-so too high. Vii doesn't stand for the numeric 5. It's my 'first' name. I love to be in love, and I'm seen with my lovey-dovey boyfriend, B wherever I go.
-anyway, there's more to me than meets the eye because i prefer to keep my internal organs under my skin.
I am going to erase all that I've planned for my Taiwan trip. AND NOT GNA PLAN ANYTHING ANYMORE ANY FURTHER.
Sick of it.
Honestly, what have you done at all for me? Except for spending all our money together and not saved a single crap. How are we gna survive out there? None of us got enough education for working lesser. None of us got fucking rich dying granduncle. None of us got any special skills. It's time to face the facts now that we are fucking losers right at the bottom of society.
We eat on our parents, and still demand more. We don't appreciate what we've got.
This isn't about me being out here and having all the time in the world to do up this stupid itinerary for this meaningless trip that's gna cost us more than what we can afford. What's the point of all these seriously? Sooner or later in the future, we're going to blame each other for not being able to provide.
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It's only times like that I finally realize what kind of trouble I am in. And times like that shows me what I have and need to do for myself. I can't be like this forever. Staying home, watching countless of videos to pass time and then once in a blue moon meet up with friends. Or work 2-3 times a week just to earn that few hundred bucks. I don't want it to be like this.
It's also times like this that I bring lights to my eyes. Seeing how incapable we are, how useless we can ever be. We're seriously lifeless idiots living in the shadows but acting like some big shit faunting around with our fake lifestyles.
I've had it okay?
That all being said, I'm still going taiwan of course.
But I'm not bringing along my itinerary. I don't care if we don't have enough money. I don't care if we got no place to go. Because I shouldn't be the one worrying. I just want to enjoy on my birthday this year because it's a special number for all of us. But it's also the key to which I have to face the truth of my pathetic life.
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Okay. Im halfway cooled down. Guess I'm an idiot for blasting all these thoughts here. But I have to let it out somewhere. After typing all these, I felt that I'm really selfish. But what can I do? I'm not giving myself any excuses here.
All of these came out after I received that SMS. Guess I really couldnt trust this bastard. But I'm going to try to. I have to stop bring selfish. Of cus I would enjoy a night out with my girls without you. So I should allow that space to you too.
Not that what I've said above is not true. Maybe one day I'll stop procrastinating and do something constructive.